How many times in your life have you breached a veritable Waterloo spiritually and said under your breath, "God, this is not the way my life was supposed to be." If you are a believer in Christ you've heard the platitude, "All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose."(Roms. 8:28)
I declare--He has tested that scripture in my life more times than I wish to count. Right now my struggle is with my one remaining nuclear family member, my daughter D. She lives north of Atlanta and is the mother of my only grandson, A., who just turned 4 years old in mid-May. (He gets his blue eyes and blond hair from me, of course.)
Now school is out, and as I wait in the grocery lines, or other stores, I strike up conversations with folks. Invariably someone is bragging about their grand kids being with them for a few weeks this summer. My reply is always, "You're so lucky. I hardly get to see my grandson." One gentlemen said he had been keeping his grand kids since they were age one. He looked about 75 years old and had a big grin on his face. (Envious green crept across mine.)
Quite frankly, I am at the point of tears in being denied access for even a long weekend with my grandson. I pray God will soften my daughter's concrete core. She is 24, and I blurted out just yesterday on the phone, "You know, I'm not going to live forever. I want to see my grandson." D. delivered the usual vague, noncommittal reply, "We'll see." Hmmm.....
Understand, the paternal grandparents see A. every week and sometimes he stays for entire weeks when he is too sick for daycare or D. goes on a trip. To take this kind of unequal treatment any way but personally would be ludicrous. When D. is asked why, she clams up and just says, "You're crazy." What kind of answer is that?
Didn't see him for Easter or get a card. Didn't see him on Mother's Day or get a card. Didn't see him for his birthday or get an invitation down. As a sole parent due to "premature" death of my husband, by all rights I should at least get acknowledged for Father's Day; but "we'll see."
Everyone told me that grand parenting would be the best part of my life. I sure wish it would start. I'm irritated at being excluded from most of the fun and changes the first few years in A's life. In a few more years I am going to be into another decade--one that is definitely not middle-aged. When the grandson gets old enough to drive, I may be in a nursing home for God's sake!
Pray for me,
Lonely in Spartanburg